literature

Harmless Self-Destruction

Deviation Actions

Published: Jun 17, 2017

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Literature Text

Most days I spend
Adrift inside the emptiness
Behind my eyelids
Floating through slow-mo
Waves of apathetic detachment
At peace with everything
Drifting around me
Time and space drifts about me

Looking and seeing
Things everywhere and nowhere
Everything or nothing
Makes no difference to me now
Here in my purgatory cells
The hollows of my eyes
Empty, but alive for now

Idyllic? Yes
This state of decaying
Stress and without worry
For if nothing touches me
Nothing matters immediately
My immediate surroundings
Swirl by, like stars in the sky
Like a star am I

I sit atop a mountain of mine
Built with lethargy and made
Into a monument to my slothful
Sincerity
I sincerely misremember
Why I'm to care for
Body, mentality, reality
All ephemeral really

Dead to everything
One with nothing
Blessed be me
Saint and martyr for living
Life despondent and devoid
Of the meaning people make up
For them and theirs
I have me and mine
Mountain of despair

Despair in the sense of no cares
Abandoned attachment to air
To breath and breathing
And believing that things
Are as they seem to you
Instead, independent of you
As I am independent of you
Care for you has left me
Destitute

Resolute to deresolution
Downscale my world to diminutive
Dreamy daylight fancies
Floating--fleeing from me
So far from me
Like... like heaven and everything
Under the heavens is everything
And nothing is above
So I desire to be nothing

Nirvana, neurotic euphoria
Destroying my disphoria
Replacing it with my story
Appearing as blank as a book
Without words
Troublesome words
Leave them to writers of woes
For them and those
People who care to know

I don't care to know
Anything or anyone
Or any one of those things
That compel the people to do
Something, ugly
Beauty is in my eyes
Nothing, for everything's ugly
Up close and disgustingly
Personal
Reason why I aim to be
Impersonal, immaterial

Then all of the sudden
I'm back to what's real
And it sinks in
Like a viper's fangs
Slowly poisoning me
Returning me to worldly
Tragedy
Tragically alive and breathing
Trapped in me and mine own
Body
Unbearably ugly
Disgusting

I just wish to be nothing
For when you are nothing
You can do no
Harm